


The Great Anteiku Anteater Disaster

by HideNagachika



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Crack, M/M, im so sorry, this was a joke and i was testing this out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HideNagachika/pseuds/HideNagachika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He felt as though his whole life had been leading up to this moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Anteiku Anteater Disaster

Kaneki had just walked into Anteiku for the first time since his hair turned white. He had missed this place, and he was happy to be back.

“Kaneki? Is that you?” Touka seemed surprised and glad to see the man, but her emotions quickly changed into anger. “Idiot Kaneki, you can’t just fucking show up here! Who said anyone would want you back?”

His eyes turned sad, and his mood had quickly changed. He thought that her, at least, would be excited to see him a little bit. But then again, who would want to see him? He was just a monster after all.

Kaneki tried to speak, but the moment he opened his jaws thousands of tiny anteaters flew out. He couldn’t stop them, but he felt no fear. The anteaters consumed him. He was not in pain. He felt as though his whole life had been leading up to this moment. Touka watched in pure horror. She was crying, large, slow tears rolling down her face. The anteaters were crawling up her legs. They would soon eat her whole and begin to digest her corpse. She only hoped that there was a heaven for ghouls.

Kaneki was on the floor, anteaters now pouring out of every orifice, his eyes, his ears. They only got larger and larger, however, each anteater growing in size, bigger than the one before it. Soon, they were full sized, and still growing. Anteiku was flooded with the creatures. The customers did not notice. This seemed to happen every day. Their lives were, in their entirety, just anteaters. Anteaters, streaming endlessly from a small boy’s mouth. A woman screams. A dog barks. A bell rings. Then, nothing. Only anteaters.

 

**\-----**

 

Hide had been trailing his friend as usual. After a while, he was worried about the boy. he waited just a bit more, and the anteaters started pouring out of the cafe.  He stormed in, and he was flooded with the creatures.

“Hey! Kaneki! Are you in here? C’mon man, let’s go home. I’ve missed you.” Hide said, walking through the anteaters. Little did the poor boy know, his dear friend and speculated lover had become, himself, one of the animals. There was a humongous anteater, a queen, if you will, at the eye of the storm. Anteiku seemed several times larger than normal, a strange shift in space-time to accommodate the event.

This was when Hide began crying. He could not process the majesty of what he was witnessing, the pure beauty. Streams of slick tears poured down his cheeks, much like the anteaters that flowed out of the carcass-turned-queen. Kaneki was no longer the One-Eyed ghoul, he was the One-eyed Anteater.

“Kaneki? Is that you? Please tell me you’re okay.” Hide said, eyeing the anteater boy.

“Hide, please go. I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re so special to me.” Kaneki said, crying anteaters. He loved Hide, but he also felt the power of his colony flowing through his body, drawing him further and further into anteater mania. He was destined to love Hide, but he was also destined to rule

“Hide, would you like to become the king?” He said, wanting to be with his love. Hide cried a single tear. “Yes, I, too, would like to become a vessel.” he said, grabbing his lovers hand. He loved Kaneki, and would gladly give his life for him.

Kaneki heard a voice speaking to him. “ _Foolish mortal_ ,” it said angrily, “ _one does not choose to become a vessel. One is chosen. This boy is too weak._ ”

The ghoul was torn between love and his newfound power. He looked at Hide’s whimpering face, the puppy dog eyes, his stomach tied into knots.

Hide could see Kaneki was in anguish and could only hold his best friend. He didn’t want him to suffer alone, hell, he didn’t want him to suffer at all.  An anteater hit Hide in the face. They were swarming him. They didn’t want anyone to have their queen but them.

“Kaneki! No! Tell them to back off please. I love you. I don’t want you to have to deal with this alone. Please, don’t shut me out, I don’t care if you’re a queen of anteaters!”

Kaneki watched as his subjects attempted to maul Hide. He tried with all of his might to make them stop, but he simply could not control the beasts. “ _Silly, silly boy,_ ”  The voice said, “ _you know I have more power over them than you, right?_ ”

“I-I can’t stop them, Hide! I can’t control the anteaters!” Kaneki screamed.

“Kaneki you have to try! I believe in you! You’re the one in control!” Hide screamed back. He was still crying. Kaneki just deserved to be happy, and he didn’t want the anteaters to take that away from his best friend who has already lost so much.

“I’m… I’m in control. I’m in control.” Kaneki whispered, “You don’t own me!” he hollered, hoping the voice would relent.

“ _But Kaneki, if you were the one in control, they wouldn’t be attacking him in the first place. I am the overlord. You are powerless. You can’t save him. Only I can. Unless you stop being so **weak**. You can’t save anyone,_ ”  The voice chided.

Weak. _Weak._ **_Weak_**. The word resonated in Kaneki’s mind. The anteaters were rushing around him, intent on protecting their queen. It seemed as though time slowed down in those few seconds.

“I-I have to protect everyone. I can’t let Hide get hurt. Mother..mother I’m so fucked up I’m s **o FUCK** -” Kaneki began to mumble to himself repeatedly, but was cut off by his friend who still needed help.

“You are stronger than this Kaneki. You can fight off the anteaters.” Hide said. He struggled, and seemed to get a little bit closer to his friend. He needed him, and a few million anteaters weren’t going to stop him, even with their tongues trying to wrap around anything they could get ahold of.

Kaneki could almost feel a small shift in the air. The anteaters slowly, painfully slowly, began to recede. One by one, they popped out of existence. He was gaining speed. The monstrous creatures were disappearing faster and faster. Hide looked around frantically.

“Yes, Kaneki! You’ve got it! Just keep going!” he shouted enthusiastically and the anteaters began releasing their hold on his skin.

Kaneki fell to the ground in a heap, sweat pouring down his brow. Most of them were gone, but a few still remained. He did everything in his power to get rid of them, and with Hide holding him, stroking his hair, saying it would be okay, he got rid of them.

“ _What?_ ” Kaneki could hear the voice screaming, faint in the distance, clouded with fog, “ _ **What?** You can’t do this! I have all the power! I always do! Nobody can defeat me, especially not an insolent fool like you!_ ”  Kaneki felt his power over the anteaters increasing as the voice slowly faded into the background. “ _How are you doing this? You, who has so little power? And yet you attempt to command my troops, playing soldier like a child? You sicken me. All of you._ ”

“Kaneki, you’re cracking your knuckles again. Please talk or something. It’s okay now. They’re gone. There are no more foul creatures,” Hide said, holding his friend.

“The-the voice… It’s gone. But… I can still feel its presence. How do I destroy it?” Kaneki whimpered. His head ached severely and he could still feel anteaters’ paws on his skin. Shaking, he reached up to Hide, who was cradling his head on his lap.

Hide brought a hand to the boys cheek. “Kaneki, it’ll be okay. You just have to do away with it. Tell it to get out of your mind. What’s real right now is all that matters.” He brushed the hair away from Kaneki’s forehead and gently placed a kiss on it.

“What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you, Hide?” Kaneki whimpered, allowing the boy to caress his face.

“Nothing at all man. But, who cares about that. Let’s just go home already.” Hide said, glad that this was all over.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written by me (tumblr user unofficialmeme), someone who knows almost everything there is to know about tokyo ghoul, and a friend of mine ( tumblr user avpdnormanjayden) who only knows what i have told him about tokyo ghoul. this is the first thing im gonna put on here. this isnt what my mother wnated for me. i hope you enjoyed the shitfest. (im using this to test the website please god forgive me for i have sinned)


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